Our life, our way

We were all dressed up and ready to head out to another Dance event by our instructor. The theme: Western cowboy.

In the car by 6:30 with the yummy cheesecake Brian made for our dance buddies. 2 minutes from the event, I am looking in the rearview passenger side mirror and I see a truck coming towards us. We had already braked for traffic and at a near stop I think the Truck was about 2-3 cars distance from us. As he kept approaching, I thought, “he is gonna have to break hard.” When he was about inches from the car, I remember thinking to myself, he is not going to make it but should only be a tap. To my surprise it was a BOOM. Brian and I both jerked forward but had our seat belts on. The soda can in the cup holders flew out and spilled all over the center and into my seat and lap.

At the corner of the intersection was a car wash, so Brian decided to pull in to clear traffic. The truck that hit us followed. As we drove, there was a horrible scraping sound. I thought it was the bumper on the ground. I was thinking, “wow, the bumper must be hang on by a thread. I hope it doesn’t fall off until we are off the road.” As we all got out of the car it was apparent we were all a bit shaken up but no one was hurt. The bumper was not what was making all the noise. It was the fact that the bumper had bent and pushed into the mud guard that was now lodged against the tire.

Brian and the other driver talk and proceed to call the police. I looked around the car. I noticed the cheesecake carrier turned over and decided to flip it back and see how bad the damage was to the cake. I reach to open the door and nothing happens. Argh…is it locked? I go to the front to hit unlock. The door is still not opening. That is when I started to look more closely at the subie, and its clear that there is more than just bumper damage. It must have pushed the frame forward. If you look in the cargo area in the back, you can see that the carpet pieces above the spare tire and tools were dislodged. If looking at the driver side back panel over the tire, you can side some buckling looking effect.  *sigh*

Police came and gave the other driver a citation for “following too closely.” We exchanged our information and then other driver stayed to help Brian remove the mud flap from so it wouldn’t wear down the tire. Well, we got in the car to head home and the noise is still there! Crap! Now we dont’ know what else under the car could be doing it.  Hopefully it’s not the axle.

We called our insurance and filed a claim and within 20 minutes the other insurance company called to say they take full responsibility and want to talk to us about getting subie in for repair. So far the process has been fairly smooth. They will issue Brian a rental car.  Hopefully, on Monday, they will say that subie is fixable and not declare a total loss. We are super close to paying it off and if its a loss, it just means they pay off the loan, we get a little remainder and then have to get a new car. Continued car notes is not really what we want.

But life happens and we just have to go with the flow. We are all okay.

So it dawns on me that many of us live in denial.

Brian and I were talking about reality vs what many see as the truth. It it true that there are moments when I think our life is not ideal. I am not the ideal spouse and he is not the ideal husband. I don’t wait on him hand and foot and he isn’t all that romantic. Cinderalla dream…GONE.

But was it ever really there? Could it have ever been? Does it even exist? The answer: NO.

The reality is that life deals you cards and you have to play them in the game the best you can. Is a fat person that just complains and wishes they were skinny going to “just get” skinny? NO. Is a poor person living outside there means suddenly going to be able to afford that expensive lifestyle they dream of? NO. If I want the big super vacation but don’t save, is it going to happen. If I want my kids to have a good education and go to college with no preparation for them, will they magically be at Harvard?

And just when you think you finally have a good grasp on reality, life changes. Nothing ever stands still. And its when these changes occur, that’s when as humans we reach for the world that doesn’t exist…AGAIN. We lose site of what we need vs what we want.

Everyman “wants” a beautiful wife. And he will find her. They well get married. At that moment life for him seems perfect. Then life happens. Whether its a baby or just old age, but she will gain weight, she will get old. That perfect world is suddenly gone. Or is it? If life changes, why don’t our goals. Perhaps what he still wants is the trophy wife. But what he needs is the loving wife thats just a few pounds heavier. He needs someone that will always be there for him.

As humans we have confused goals with dreams. They aren’t the same. We need to work on goals together. Life is about partnerships. We can’t do it alone and things won’t just happen with no effort. I wouldn’t have made it through college quite the same without all my friends. We made great partners in crime I have to say.

As of late, we have had a lot of friends and family that are in the process of a divorce. It saddens me, because some I’ve known since before they married. Growing up I used to think that everyone needs to get married and that 10 year relationships were too long. You should know you want to marry someone before then.

But I have to wonder why couples can date and live together (some have kids) and last 10+ years when the couple that married in 2-3 years is having issues. Or why the 10 year relationship starts to have issues after marriage? I think its because people assume they will get something out of marriage. Nothing is going to change after marriage except you now have a ring on your finger. Am I suppose to believe that I have to work on our couple issues while dating to keep the other party interested enough till marriage and after that, everything will magically solve itself?

Whether you are married or not, you will only continue to get to know each other with each day. You will continue to grow and change and you need to work at being together.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone has asked me how married life is, I’d have my baby fund jar FULL! It’s like people want you to think life should be different after marriage. We need to stop feeding each other these lies. It takes a lot to find a friend you can call a best friend, it takes more to find someone you can co-habitat with.  It takes a lot to find the job that we don’t hate going to every morning.

The grass is NOT greener on the other side.

So it’s time for the nice monthly weigh in. Argh…..I’m not a single pound lighter and its very frustrating. I thought I was doing good. My clothes are fitter a little better. I have been really good about portion size. Except for yesterday. But it was mom’s b-day lunch and it was to Japanese steak house. We all left very, very full!

What I need to understand is that its not always about the number. I am stronger based on the weights I can do today vs last month. So I am definitely building muscle. I’m getting tone and the weight loss and inches will come. Last time I did a big weight loss campaign, the weight wasn’t fast to come off then, so I need to just stay focused. *sigh* Easier said than done.

The other day, Brian and I made new, more attainable goals. 20lbs each by cruise time in Feb. We have a whopping 6 months!!!

We cruise in 189 days! Woot!

Oddly enough that is one of the things i enjoy about Carnival’s website. I log in and it tells me how many more days I have until we cruise. Weird…dorky…I know.

So where are we going? ( If you much ask then you must not visit our main site much)

We are headed to the bahamas. I’m so ready for a vacation. 5 days away from the world. No cell phones.

I am a bit saddened by the idea that I can’t go ahead and pick excursions. Apparently that kind of stuff is not available until somewhere between 90 to 120 days before the sailing date. I guess last time we did book a lot later.

We could have waited since we were going with past guest rates and not the early saver deal but the big thing was the rooms were filling up and the ship is smaller than before. We didn’t want to end up in a room that wasn’t ideally located.

It wasn’t bad but last time the floor below us was the casino and on the last night we could here the players screaming as they won. Wasn’t horrible but this time we picked a floor that is buffered on top and bottom by more rooms. Lets see how it works. We also wanted to make sure we were mid-ship. Lauren had a room at the front of the ship last time. It was not bad but you could definitely notice a difference in the amount the room moved. Fingers crossed and here’s hoping it will be yet another great vacation!

So, my hubby is still feeling a little sore.  He rolled out of bed his morning whining and looking all sad.   For those of you with your minds in the gutter….please pick up back out!

He is sore because he came to the gym with me on Sunday! He did a full work out, Kimmie style. Cardio….weight training….and a little more cardio to wrap up the day! I dug up some old track sheets from Fall 2007 when Brian and I first started working out together. He is definitely a lot weaker than he was back then. I think that got to him so he may have pushed himself a little harder.

And thus is still sore on Wed from a Sunday workout. Let’s see if he will still go this weekend?!?!?!?!?!

After all, he claims he is down 5 lbs. from that workout. hmmmm….

So I’ve toyed with the idea for some time now that I want to own my own business. This past year I’ve done a good bit of freelance. Well, its a good bit for me since I don’ t do any some years. I wanted to dump that money into the family fund to help Brian and I reach our goals sooner.

He, however, wants me to keep all that in a separate account. Our regular salaries go together for family expenses. This separate account is for the potential new business for me. I just want to do all I can for this family because family is number one. And I am so blessed that though the extra money will help, Brian has pushed me in that direction. There’s a little bit of money there and this weekend we went and purchased my first “business expense”…. the laptop I’ve always wanted. Apple never has a sale on their products but they do clearance models out when new ones arrive. If my husband wasn’t selfless, I wouldn’t have been able to jump on the deal.

Just a few more steps and business will be open. Love you Brian!

To dos…..

• incorporate
• find more clients
• build my website …only have a place holder now (http://www.forallthingsdesign.com/)
• find the right CPA

I’m not quite sure why it happens, but where ever I work, people seem to try to befriend me. They come to chat in my office and they ask me to lunch all the time. So here my problem.

I will tell them no and they ask why. It’s not that I don’t want their company…it’s because I don’t want to spend the money. Then I’m asked where all my money goes. hmmmm….SAVINGS!

Then there is also outside of work. Friends ask me to come visit them. They ask me to go on vacation. I wish I could go every time. But I can’t. Not that I can’t pay for it. I have savings…I have credit cards. There are so many that will charge anything to a credit card. I am floored by this!

People give me weird looks when I tell them what my vacation budgets are. I am very proud that I can have a vacation for a fraction of what other people pay. That means I can have more of them!

Fortunately, Brian feels the same way as I. He doesn’t think I’m cheap. In fact I think he is also very proud of me when I save us money. We get to do more trips with each other and save for our future. We have debt to pay off and if we keep up with similar spending habits a year from now then all that went to debt is now straight into savings. I feel so lucky that my husband is on the same page with me on how we will spend our money. He isn’t the best and keeping track of our budget so I handle it but I make sure he knows what I’m up to. No secrets, no surprises. We act as a checks and balance system.

So yes, we spend only 1k on Disney and stay at a value resort. If we were off to the beach then the hotel room is important as we might spend more time at it, not if we will only shower and sleep there. We would rather cruise a month before the Caribbean gets busy with spring breakers. The weather is in the 80′s in Feb and cruise prices are half what they will be March-July. So we have less heat to deal with less money spent. Sounds like a win, win to me.

So for everyone that thinks my husband and I are cheap….well, perhaps we are. But we get to enjoy more time together. We can make more memories. And we’ll be able to save for little ones when we are ready to start a family. We can buy the house of our dreams that is suitable for our whole family and lifestyle! More power to everyone that want to live pay check by check, or better yet use credit cards to make ends meet. That is not our style. There is a time for everything. If one person is laid off, we might not be as comfortable, but we would be okay. If we both got laid off then we will last for a little while before we might have to turn to credit cards. But they should never be used to supplement life unless you are about to go bankrupt or need to put food on the table. And not because you are in that situation because you are living outside of your means.

We want to be ready for emergencies. We want to be ready for life changes (good or bad). We want to be able to provide for any member of our families.

There are many things I love to do in life but I would sacrifice it all and even be somewhat sad but all would be right in the world to see that I could do something for someone I love. Why can’t everyone just stop being selfish and sacrifice for the greater good. If you love someone you will do anything you can for them which includes preventing them from sacrificing for you.

So yesterday, B and I arrived home to see a whole bunch of cars in the sudo cul de sac down the street. We assumed it was a party. Later B noticed a channel 2 news van going by while he was working in the yard. “wow, a party that is news worthy!” we thought.

Well, we were wrong. I logged onto Facebook yesterday evening to see a link to a news story about our subdivision.

“Son Charged in Dad’s Death”

I never met this neighbor. I don’t know many of my neighbors. It is always sad to hear about anyone’s death and even sadder to know it was a family dispute. I have to think, is there anything my parents could ever do that would cause me to want to kill them. Nothing. I can think of many things that would make me dis-own them but to kill? I guess I don’t have it in me.