Our life, our way

So it dawns on me that many of us live in denial.

Brian and I were talking about reality vs what many see as the truth. It it true that there are moments when I think our life is not ideal. I am not the ideal spouse and he is not the ideal husband. I don’t wait on him hand and foot and he isn’t all that romantic. Cinderalla dream…GONE.

But was it ever really there? Could it have ever been? Does it even exist? The answer: NO.

The reality is that life deals you cards and you have to play them in the game the best you can. Is a fat person that just complains and wishes they were skinny going to “just get” skinny? NO. Is a poor person living outside there means suddenly going to be able to afford that expensive lifestyle they dream of? NO. If I want the big super vacation but don’t save, is it going to happen. If I want my kids to have a good education and go to college with no preparation for them, will they magically be at Harvard?

And just when you think you finally have a good grasp on reality, life changes. Nothing ever stands still. And its when these changes occur, that’s when as humans we reach for the world that doesn’t exist…AGAIN. We lose site of what we need vs what we want.

Everyman “wants” a beautiful wife. And he will find her. They well get married. At that moment life for him seems perfect. Then life happens. Whether its a baby or just old age, but she will gain weight, she will get old. That perfect world is suddenly gone. Or is it? If life changes, why don’t our goals. Perhaps what he still wants is the trophy wife. But what he needs is the loving wife thats just a few pounds heavier. He needs someone that will always be there for him.

As humans we have confused goals with dreams. They aren’t the same. We need to work on goals together. Life is about partnerships. We can’t do it alone and things won’t just happen with no effort. I wouldn’t have made it through college quite the same without all my friends. We made great partners in crime I have to say.

As of late, we have had a lot of friends and family that are in the process of a divorce. It saddens me, because some I’ve known since before they married. Growing up I used to think that everyone needs to get married and that 10 year relationships were too long. You should know you want to marry someone before then.

But I have to wonder why couples can date and live together (some have kids) and last 10+ years when the couple that married in 2-3 years is having issues. Or why the 10 year relationship starts to have issues after marriage? I think its because people assume they will get something out of marriage. Nothing is going to change after marriage except you now have a ring on your finger. Am I suppose to believe that I have to work on our couple issues while dating to keep the other party interested enough till marriage and after that, everything will magically solve itself?

Whether you are married or not, you will only continue to get to know each other with each day. You will continue to grow and change and you need to work at being together.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone has asked me how married life is, I’d have my baby fund jar FULL! It’s like people want you to think life should be different after marriage. We need to stop feeding each other these lies. It takes a lot to find a friend you can call a best friend, it takes more to find someone you can co-habitat with.  It takes a lot to find the job that we don’t hate going to every morning.

The grass is NOT greener on the other side.