No, I will not help you.
We work so hard to help those we love. Our family, our friends. What do you do when you can’t help them. Your daughter had her first heart break. Your son doesn’t make the varsity team. Your best friend is laid off from their job.
*sigh*
Since we can’t give them what they want….what they need, we give them anything we can. You take your broken hearted daughter out shopping for a new dress to feel pretty. You give your son the keys to your car. You take your friend out for a night on the town or offer up that spare bedroom in your apartment until they get back on their feet.
All of this sounds great, right? Maybe. A big MAYBE!
If your kid is in distress, do you just poor your time and money into them. My immediate reaction is YES. But then I think about how the kid will take it for granted or not realize how much it is stressing the parents out.
It seems like several couples we know are recently divorced or contemplating a divorce. So what is the first thing we all think about…those poor kids. I always feel bad for the kids in the divorce. Parents made choices and decisions and now the kids have to deal. I’m not saying folks need to stay together for the sake of the kids. There will be fights and tension and kids can sense that. Better to have two happy homes than one miserable one.
But the biggest mistake many make are to over compensate for the pain kids go through. Whether you are the parent, grandparent, godparent or friend, you want to do something for the kids to hopefully make up for their stress. But spoiling a kid for a smile now will only make it worst in the long run. Whether the recipient of the extra attention, money or resources is a 2 year old or a 30 year old, they can get spoiled.
And I shouldn’t just put this on the ones that care. The recipient, if an adult, should know that they should not always take help. Sometimes others are bending over backwards and depriving themselves of basic necessities in life (i.e. sleep and peace of mind) to help them.
There was a time in my life in which I thought everyone deserved help and that I would do whatever I needed to do to help. But I now realize that I can’t become an enabler. I have to let people make their mistakes and pick themselves up. Sometimes you have to do it on your own in order to really grow. Now I just have to deal with watching others in my life enabling the ones they love. Perhaps I will just come across heartless.
So be it.